You've Been Warned: DC Special Series #6

When will I learn? I've have been burned by issues from the main Secret Society of Super-Villains series, so why did I think this would be any different? This stuff should be right up my ally. A handful of my favourite heroes going up against some of my favourite villains (sorry, Angle Man). Perhaps it's a matter of too many cooks spoiling the broth. This issue is an absolute mess, with a very convoluted plot involving far too many moving parts. Gerry Conway's script feels like something salvage from Roy Thomas' wastepaper basket. The villains take the heroes down one by one, but rather than through brute force or intelligence, it is done using some sort of inter-dimensional mind control or something along those lines (honestly, I wasn't following). I am not generally a fan of Arvell Jones' artwork as I find his storytelling lacks fluidity and this is compounded by 8 or 9 splash pages throughout. I know that people love big splashes, but I find that they can kill momentum. As it comes from 1977, there are some cool ads but that's about it has going for it. Avoid.

You've Been Warned: Shadow of the Bat #19 and #20

I have been making my way through some of the Knightfall trades in recent weeks and this little arc is the absolute bottom of the barrel. A villain named the Tally Man is introduced - he's part Joker, part accountant. He's got a pretty strange modus operandi, and it never really made sense to me in terms of how it is executed (pun intended). His background is actually fairly intriguing but Vince Giarrano sloppy storytelling makes it very difficult to follow. Let's not even get into the action sequences. The scratchy, pseudo-abstract artwork gets in the way of the flow of things. All in all, it seems as though Alan Grant was trying to create a new villain by simply putting some grim and gritty ingredients in a blender. It did not work. The Jean-Paul Valley era Batman stories are an acquired taste at the best of times, but this one leaves a bitter aftertaste.

You've Been Warned: Rocket Raccoon Mini-Series (1985)

I can already imagine the boos and hisses as I type. I know that this is likely a much beloved project, but hear me out. Like everyone else on the planet, I dig Rocket Raccoon. I also happen to love the work of Bill Mantlo and Mike Mignola. As such, it seemed as though this would be a good fit for me. What went wrong? It is difficult for me to put a finger on it, but I think that there was simply too much going on. Too many visual gags, too many characters, too convoluted a plot and too many literary and cinematic references. As such, it comes across as more of an experiment than a comic book story. I get what Mantlo was trying to do here and I picked up on most, if not all, of what he was referencing but the strange brew of Lewis Carroll, Walt Kelly and Steve Gerber playing in a sandbox filled with toys from Dune, Star Wars and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest left me with a bitter aftertaste. Abstract satirical humour can work great but, for me, it is better in smaller doses. I love most of Steve Gerber's work, but I feel as though he helped create a shift in funnybook writing that could really go off the rails. Full accolades to Mr. Mignola, though - this stuff looks great. Overall, not for me.

You've Been Warned: Wolverine: Logan

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I like Wolverine, I really do. Hell, my son's name is Logan. The thing is, it takes a like of digging through Wolverine-centric crap before you find anything good. I'm sorry to report that this one falls into the category of crap. This three issue miniseries is pure style over substance. I really like the fact that they place Logan in Hiroshima in 1945. That's a great move and becomes an interesting part of his back story. The other parts of the story, however, fall flat. There is a love story here, but it develops at such a breakneck speed that it never allows the reader to feel an emotional attachment. The antagonist is also underdeveloped, with unbelievably coincidental powers and a desire to kill Logan that is not adequately explored. Of course, it all climaxes in an overlong showdown that is poorly executed. I wish people focused more on storytelling and less on posing. Boy, do I sound grumpy today! I know that some people really like Risso's artwork, but it does not do much for me here. Avoid.

You've Been Warned: Marvel Presents #8

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you will know that I have absolutely no problem with reprints. I want to read as many great comic stories as possible and, if a reprint is the most affordable way to accomplish that goal, so be it. Here's the thing, though. I absolutely hate the bait and switch. During the mid-70s, Marvel had a tough time getting their creators to hand in their work on time, hence the "Dreaded Deadline Doom". I understand. Things happen. What annoys me, however, is when Marvel decided to drop reprint material into the middle of an ongoing series with nary an announcement. If you were to buy this comic on the basis of the cover alone, you'd the that the Silver Surfer was making an appearance with the Guardians. In the future, no less. Cool. Well, that's not quite what happens. It fact, what you get is a lame framing sequence and a partial reprint from Silver Surfer #2. Huh? Would I have been happy with what I got for my three dimes back then? Probably not, especially since Fantasy Masterpieces was just a few years away. Honestly, I'd be fine if it said 'Reprinting a classic" or "An encore presentation", but this stuff really bugs me. I'll be featuring more of this on here down the road.

You've Been Warned: Shazam - A New Beginning

Let me begin by saying that I am a big fan of the Big Red Cheese. I think he's a wonderful character and that Fawcett City and its denizens represent an important little corner of my comic book universe. That said, this mini-series is pure dreck. Roy Thomas fell into some bad habits at DC in the 1980s. The worst one was his need to cram an incredible amount of backstory and historical context into each story. These four issues contain twelve issues worth of material and it just kills any sense of pacing. On the art side, I'm actually a pretty big fan of Tom Mandrake, but he's a bad fit here. His loose, organic style is much better suited to something like Swamp Thing or The Spectre. Don't get me wrong. I don't think that every Marvel Family artist needs to ape C.C. Beck and Bud Thompson. In fact, I liked Don Newton's take on these characters. The combination of Thomas and Mandrake results in a product that runs counter to what makes a good Shazam! story work. Your money is much better spent Captain Marvel stories engineered by the likes of Jerry Ordway or Jeff Smith. Avoid this one.

You've Been Warned: Green Arrow #8

I am not really thrilled with what DC has done with the New 52, but I will follow Oliver Queen just about anywhere so I scooped up a few discounted trades. Over time, I have learned that I am not a huge fan of Ann Nocenti's writing. I know that many fans love her work on Daredevil, but it never really did much for me at all. Nocenti is trying to do something great here, as she references both King Lear and Dr. Moreau in the same story arc. In the end, however, it fails to be anything more than a mindless punch up with poorly fleshed out characters - the new Ollie chief among them. The artwork is beyond atrocious, sacrificing storytelling for ridiculous poses. It represents just about everything I cannot stand about today's comics and it is such a shame that this has happened to a character with such a strong track record. Jeff Lemire has taken over the series, so I look forward to catching up with his work on it to help cleanse the palate.

You've Been Warned: Defenders #101

Don't get me wrong, traditionally I am a defender of The Defenders. I just can't get behind this particular issue. In the early 80s, it seemed as though every Marvel writer (in this case J.M. DeMatteis) felt the need to write a 'stop and smell the roses' issue once a year. When these work, they can be quite touching. When they don't, they leave the reader with a saccharin aftertaste that can last for days. In this story, each and everyone of the Defenders feels the need to find their purpose in the world after the battle in the 100th issue. They all make their way out into the world with Doctor Strange and Clea awkwardly performing a tribal dance in Africa and the Devil Slayer criticizing the personal hygiene of a burnt out hippie. In the end, they all hang out on Doctor Strange's stoop feeling rejuvenated. It is all done in a very ham-fisted way. DeMatteis would cover similar ground in a much more elegant way in Marvel Team-Up #119. Avoid.

You've Been Warned: Fantastic Four Annual #18

Hey folks, do you remember the star spanning Kree/Skrull War? Remember how generations of Krees and Skrulls fought each other in a never ending battle for galactic supremacy. Well, did you ever wish that the whole thing could be wrapped up in a lame, 3-page pseudo fight? Did you always hope that The Watcher would essentially declare the war to be a tie and simply state that it was now over. If so, this is the book for you! Seriously, I know that Annuals were typically a place to stuff as many ideas as possible, but this is ridiculous. We've already got another typical Marvel Universe wedding disrupted by party crashers. In this one, it is Black Bolt and Medusa tying the knot. I get the feeling someone at Marvel realized that they had never been married. That oversight was explained with the 'Inhumans just take a long time to wed' argument. We've seen the whole wedding chaos thing a million times and there's nothing new here, and the fact that a whole Kree/Skrull subplot was dropped in reeks of desperation. I have no idea how long the war remained 'over', but I am not sure I really care. I am certain that it is considered blasphemous to diss anything from the John Byrne era on Fanastic Four, but this one stinks. Decline this wedding invitation.

You've Been Warned: Marvel Preview #16

Boy, did I ever get bait and switched on this one! A quick scan of the cover led me to believe this was a Sherlock Holmes tale. Considering that a couple of earlier issues in this try-out series were actual Sherlock Holmes stories, who could blame me? What I got, however, was a dull modern day Holmes-clone named Hodiah Twist. I get it. This was supposed to be a clever nod to Arthur Conan Doyle, but it completely misses its target. The main problem is the author: Don McGregor. The older I get, the less patience I have for his overly verbose prose. He pushes word balloons to their absolute limit. In terms of the artwork, Colan's storytelling is a bit of a mess, especially as the action ramps up over the last few pages. Overall, this was should have stayed in the unused inventory heap. The second story 'Death By Disco' seems to be fondly remembered by fans of the Gerber/Colan team. It is not terrible, but I have never been a fan of Lilith and Gerber seems to have been taking advice from McGregor in terms of his prose. This is essentially a 5-page story stretched out over 20+ pages. Colan's artwork is quite nice here, but this is definitely a sub par effort by this particular team. Required reading for completists only.

You've Been Warned: Brave and the Bold #156

It is not often that I can find a flaw in my all-time favourite series, never mind an issue drawn by Don Newton, but this one stands out like a sore thumb. As a general rule, I am not a huge fan of sorcerer/magician heroes, but sometimes they can be a good fit with Batman (see Phantom Stranger in B&B #145). This particular issue has an overly convoluted plot involved a demonic possession centering on a wrongly accused man. At least, that's what I think was going on - the exposition came fast and furious. It all wraps up way too quickly and one wonders whether Doctor Fate could have handled it all alone. If you're like me and need a complete run of the Batman team-ups, you'll want this one, otherwise you can forget it.

You've Been Warned: Eclipso #3

Wow, was this ever a bleak period at DC! To think that in the late 80s and very early 90s, so many great projects were able to introduce darker, more mature while still fully engaging the reader (Watchmen, Green Arrow and Suicide Squad come to mind immediately). This series evolves (or should I say devolves?) from that initial trend, but ends being just plain ugly. The Eclipso-based crossover event was not groundbreaking, but it was at least readable. The ongoing series brings the concept to new lows and managed to drag plenty of characters down with it. This particular issue brings in a bland interpretation of Cave Carson with very little fanfare. A talented creative team would have been able to infuse the character with some Silver Age charm, perhaps noting his rather anachronistic skill set. Instead, his is simply dropped in and seems immediately disposable. It's a shame, so is the book. I bought it as a 5 for $1 bundle and I still feel ripped off.

You've Been Warned: Swamp Thing #43

I know, I know, I know - this is pretty much heresy, but hear me out. I have been making my way through Alan Moore's run on this series via the hardcover TPDs that have been hitting the bargain bins at a local bookstore. All in all, it is a wonderfully engaging and entertaining journey - with Moore creating a unique environment within the DCU. All that said, I feel that, despite the iconic cover, this particular issue highlights all that can go wrong when Moore takes a detour from his main highway. We get a story that hinges on the psychedelic elements of a tuber that fell of Swamp Thing's back and was distributed throughout the greater Baton Rouge area. These little 'trips' are filled with bad dialogue and over the top imagery which kills what little narrative momentum had been established. Moore may be trying to say something profound here, but it was more akin to listening to a stoner discuss Bob Weir's solo work. Peace.

You've Been Warned: What If? (vol. 2) #37

I like Wolverine, I really do. Hell, my son's name is Logan. What I do not like, however, is the over saturation of the character that occurred in the early 90s. I really enjoyed the original run of What If? back when I was a kid, as most of the stories were wonderful tweaks to Marvel history. So, as a high school student, I was delighted to see that the concept had been relaunched. The problem wih this new incarnation was that it was followed all of the trends of the day. This particular issues springboards from What If? #24, from the previous year, which was not a terribly great story dealing with X-vampires. This one is far worse, as it is really just a series of battles and poor dialogue delivered on splash pages by yet another Liefeld clone, this one know as Marc Pacella. Forgive me if he's gone on to do wonderful things, but the artwork here is horrendous. With stories such as this, I cannot understand how this volume far outlasted its predecessor.

You've Been Warned: Superman #337

This cover looks promising, doesn't it? Well, like so many of the 'bait & switch' covers produced at DC during the 70s, the interior tale comes nowhere near living up to that initial promise. Inside, things are a bit out of sorts in Metropolis. Clark Kent's behaviour is a bit odd, as he suddenly seems to have developed a backbone. One villain after another appears only to suddenly disappear. How can all of this be explained? Well, an inventive writer like Grant Morrison would have a field day with this type of concept. Unfortunately, it was up to Len Wein to hand in this uninspired script. Ready for the ending to be spoiled? It was all Don-El (who?), the head of Kandor's Superman Emergency Squad. Apparently, his subconscious jealousy of Superman led him to develop some form of mental illness wherein he ultimately posed as Superman. The only way to break this spell was for the real Superman to pose as a series of villains (using super speed to move from one to the other) until Don-El ultimately cracked. My head hurts after typing that. The concept of Kandor is fun, but it became such a lazy writing device, helping free anyone who had managed to write themselves into a corner. This is an example of DC shooting itself in the foot.

You've Been Warned: Justice League Adventures #1

Wow, was this ever a strange way to launch a whole new series directed at kids! Let me state that I have been quite impressed with the Justice League Unlimited TV series, as well as the ongoing series that was tied into that series. As I understand, this series is linked to the predecessor of the JLU. I have kids, I was once a kid and I love comics so I like to think that I have a pretty good idea of how and why certain comics work for kids. They have to be engaging, fun and full of excitement. Normally, Ty Templeton can bring that to a series. He has written countless stories that work perfectly as material for both adults and kids. This is not one of them. The story, involving a alien terrorist plot, was extremely convoluted and it was not helped by the exposition via the alien's broken English. I can't imagine anyone under the age of 14 being able to follow it. I did like the Min S. Ku artwork, but the storyline was just way too messy for me to recommend. I don't look forward to reading this book to my kids one day.

You've Been Warned: Beowulf, Dragon Slayer #2

Let me begin by stating that, as a general rule, I am not a big fan of the sword and sorcery genre. When it's done well (like good Conan stories), I really like it, but I don't really have much time for you typical [Insert Name] the Warrior books. I picked up the first two issues of this series for 50 cents apiece, so I did not invest all that much into the venture. The first issue was quite intriguing, and I admired by Michael Uslan's ambitions and Ricardo Villamonte's stylish artwork. The second issue, however, was a complete disaster. The story bordered on incomprehensible and the dialogue consisted of that terrible pseudo-Thor/Conan English that comes across as stilted. Beowulf himself has zero personality, and we are given no insight into his motivations. Villamonte's artwork also took a step down. I'm not sure if it was a rush job, but his moody inks and interesting layouts were gone. To be perfectly honest, this makes Wulf the Barbarian look brilliant.

You've Been Warned: Green Lantern #62

I try to keep an open mind about the Insurance Salesman Era of the Green Lantern title, I really do. I also happen to be a big fan of Jack Sparling, and can appreciate what he brings to the table (I know that not everyone is a fan). That being said, this particular issue is a prime example of why the series needed a kick in the pants. Hal spends a lot of time in his street clothes, and I really don't think the series works as a Johnny Double clone. The plot is beyond convoluted, as it involves a gadget called a Chronolometer, which can someone 'see' where a piece of gold has been. It's a pretty lame device, but allows the villains to see that Hal Jordan and Green Lantern are one and the same. It's a very dialogue heavy script by Gardiner Fox, and the dialogue is terrible. The story only briefly comes to life when Sparling shows GL in action - his layouts are dynamic. This one is an 'avoid', even for Sparling fans. If you are not a fan, I guess that you should avoid with extreme prejudice.

You've Been Warned: Marvel Team Up #36 and #37

This is a two-parter, so consider yourself doubly warned. I've always admire the ambition of this series; trying to team Spidey up with everyone in the Marvel Universe no matter how little logic is involved. If Batman can team up with Kamandi, why can't Spidey meet Deathlok? Or Killraven? Or every monster in creation? This story follows a convoluted path and Spider-Man and Frankenstein get together (I honestly can't remember how) are both targeted to become some sort of Dr. Moreauvian plot to take over the world via an army of monsters. This silly plot, stretched over two issues by the inefficient Gerry Conway, fizzles out before it gets started.

Essentially, the all powerful mad scientist villain, whom had no problem capturing Spider-Man and the Frankenstein monster (twice), is ultimately defeated because he is (literally) caught napping. Seriously? Then he whimpers like the bad guy in a Scooby Doo cartoon. I know this is a funnybook, but I like my villains to go out with some degree of pride. There's also a lame Beauty and the Beast angle within the Man-Wolf subplot. S.H.I.E.L.D. seems displeased to have to clean this mess up at the end. Sal Buscema's pencils are rendered lifeless by Vinnie Colletta's inks. I know that he's an easy target, but this is a prime example of him hurting a story. This one is downright beastly, and not in the intended way.

You've Been Warned: Ghost Rider #71

Ok, so it should not come as a huge shock that I am not a big fan of this book. I think that I am on record as saying that the mid-90s was the nadir of creativity at Marvel. So, what was I doing reading this book? Well, a local used bookstore has these '5 for $1' bundles. You can really only see the two outer books, and the rest is a surprise. 9 times out of 10, they are pretty terrible but I like to hold out hope for those hidden gems. What can I expect for a couple of dimes? I have a bit of nostalgia for the Danny Blaze circus-era Ghost Rider, but absolutely nothing about this book appealed to me. The artwork is brutal, as it has an Image School dropout feel to it. The dialogue was weak and the action sequences were extremely convoluted. Danny Ketch is as unappealing a protagonist as I've encountered in the funnybook world. I can understand why Marvel parachuted Wolverine into this series every 3 or 4 issues. I very rarely throw out comic book, but this one has hopefully serves a higher purpose by being recycled.